What makes a place home?

... the Summer I moved to London

On June 18, I officially made the move to London. The move has been thrilling and exciting (helped by the uncharacteristically gorgeous weather I landed in). And whilst this is true, relocating to a different country has obviously been an adjustment.

I arrived here by myself. Due to work commitments, Henry is staying in Sydney for a few more months before moving over in August — this will be the longest we have spent apart in our five years of dating.

Saying goodbye to Henry was incredibly difficult (I am traumatised by airport goodbyes). Even harder were the goodbyes to my family — I kissed my little brothers through floods of tears, knowing they will probably be a foot taller the next time I see them.

The decision to move here was not an easy one — Henry and I went back and forth on it for a while. Whilst the idea of moving to a big city has always excited me, I truly love Sydney so much. My identity feels deeply entangled with the city; it is a place full of familiarity — the sweeping stretch of coastline I was raised on, pockets of streets that have witnessed all the small milestones of my childhood, each suburb punctuated by a different sense of nostalgia. It is hard to leave that behind.

Another, perhaps glaringly obvious drawback, is that I do not have a job, and to quote Henry, I am ‘risk-averse’ which means that my body quite literally rejects the idea of both moving overseas and being unemployed.

So why leave?

Well, truthfully, the first six months of the year were difficult for me career-wise. I lacked direction and faced numerous rejections in the pursuit of something better. This period was pretty taxing on my confidence, and I eventually began to feel like there was just simply not much left for me in Sydney (at least for now).

I reflected on this period while away in Croatia recently with my best friends, Maddy and Cassie. We have a little tradition where, each year, we categorise different aspects of our lives (career, relationship, family, etc.) and rate them out of ten, providing a brief explanation for our ratings. It’s been really special to track the way our lives have ebbed and flowed over the years, enduring everything from breakups, grief, hardships, to promotions, new relationships and life milestones.

I briefly lamented the career lows I experienced at the start of the year and explained that, while they felt overwhelming at times, I now look back on them as being relatively superficial in the grand scheme of things. This year has still been filled with immense happiness and joy because I have learnt to separate the ‘superficial’ setbacks from the parts of my life that truly matter — health, strong relationships, and family.

I suppose this all feels relevant to my life right now… I have moved to a new country and am staring down the barrel of what could be another very gruelling job hunt—ultimately, facing even more uncertainty than I was before. On paper, this is a totally stupid decision, and honestly, frightens me (someone hire me pls). But equally, it is exciting and freeing and kind of what life is all about.

I rarely mention Henry in my writing, and I think a big part of that is not wanting to sound cringe. However, truthfully, my relationship with him has a significant influence on the lens through which I view the world… Sometimes I am left baffled by his unwavering support and blind belief in me, championing everything I do. This kind of love — true, safe love — makes you feel like you can do anything.

The day before I left for London, I wept to my 12-year-old brother Alex. He asked why I was crying. I explained that I was nervous about what was to come and was unsure if I had made the right decision. His first offering of comfort was “You should be a model, you are so beautiful” (LOL… maybe I should? xX). And then, he just sat with me in silence, holding my hand.

I guess all of this is to say that I feel very rich in life when it comes to my relationships, in a way that directly influences my confidence and how I move through the world. It is an incredibly special feeling, one that I have not really experienced to this degree before.

It’s led me to a question I have pondered a lot recently… What makes a place home?

In the most obvious, geographical sense, my home is Sydney. But on a deeper level, I really believe home to be a feeling… Having a strong network of people who support and believe in you is what truly enables you to navigate the world with confidence and self-assurance. To the point that failing can seem so much less inconsequential. Because, if it all fails, you always have home.

How good are airport goodbyes...