I turned 26 on October 27. I love my birthday (yes, I’m that person) and always do something special to celebrate. Aside from the opportunity it offers to make things all about me (lol), I actually just love taking a moment to reflect on life and growing up.
If you’ve read any of my Substacks, you will know that I am an incredibly sentimental person. And this year, I felt super sentimental. Naturally, there were some sadder elements to this birthday; it was the first one I had spent without my Grandma and the ninth that I had spent without my Dad… A sharp reminder that time is, sadly, not infinite.
Despite the loss, I feel there has been a significant shift for me from 25 to 26. I feel like I gained a lot of perspective this year... I am approaching the year ahead with a newfound calmness and self-confidence.
I find that the societal discourse about growing up can be largely negative. I went to see Dolly Alderton last week, and she echoed this sentiment when she discussed the widespread age phobia we have. Growing old should be considered a luxury, and the more you can push through the pressure to preserve a “youthful” appearance or to achieve everything by a certain age, the more you can truly appreciate this fact.
So, in the spirit of growing up, here are some lessons I have learnt over the past 26 years.
How you spend your day is how you spend your life
I heard this quote a few months ago, and it stuck with me. It is incredibly easy to fall into a routine of relatively mundane tasks, especially in a world with social media. I read a Substack recently titled the ‘Mainstreaming of Loserdom’ in which the author pointed out, “One of the main ‘hobbies’ accepted by the masses is staying home, laying in bed, scrolling on their phones and watching television... What happened?” It spoke to a feeling I have had recently, which is that we exist in a world that doesn’t value creativity. To consistently feel inspired and stimulated, you must make an active effort: read books, go outside, explore new places, take the more scenic route home from work.
Life truly feels brighter when you stop pursuing “skinny”
I could write a whole thesis on this, and maybe one day, I will.
My friends and I grew up in the Tumblr generation that idolised Victoria’s Secret models and incessantly reblogged Kate Moss’s quote, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. The truth is, a lot tastes better than skinny feels, and the way we glorify and reward thinness is so deeply sad and troubling.
Be self-aware
If you continue to fallout with friends, maybe you are the issue. If you consistently act out when drinking, you might have a drinking problem. If you keep ending up in toxic relationships, you could be contributing to that… It is so important to look at the role you play in the dynamics around you and acknowledge when you are in the wrong. Deflecting and shifting blame for your poor behaviour will not get you anywhere. The people who love you will respect you so much more if you can accept your mistakes and grow from them. In the words of Lisa Rinna, “Own it!”
Treat social media like it is an addiction
Social media has stolen so much time from me. Spending longer than 15 minutes on social media daily really does not benefit me in any way. I am learning to treat these apps like alcohol: fine in small doses but not great for overall health.
Comparison is the thief of joy
There will always be someone out there who has more than you. Someone richer, more intelligent, prettier— the list can go on and on. Comparing yourself to others is not constructive. Celebrate what you have rather than incessantly chasing the desire for “more”. I list five things I am grateful for every night before sleeping. It might not sound like much, but it keeps me present and reminds me how lucky I am.
Great things can happen in the ‘unknown’
You will not always have the answer to ‘What next?’ And that’s okay. Instead of fearing the worst, try to be optimistic (whilst remaining realistic). Leaping into the unknown can pay off, and you will look back in regret if you always play it safe.
If you live by their praise, you will die by their criticism
I have lived my whole life being concerned about what other people think of me and for what? For years, I have said no to things I wanted to do because I was scared people would think I was cringe. Honestly, screw the naysayers - I am cringe but free now xoxo
Pick your battles
This is for my fellow impassioned girlies (lol). Some fights are just not worth fighting; you will not see eye-to-eye with everyone. Do not waste your energy arguing over trivial issues.
Do not take your health for granted
Be grateful every day for good health. It is easy to take health as a given, but it is such a gift. When my Grandma was sick, she used to marvel at how quickly I could run downstairs and grab her phone if she had forgotten it in her room. Something I deemed to be such an inconvenience was something she wished she could do.
Healthy relationships are fuel for the soul
Don’t underestimate the power of having a solid and supportive circle. I credit a lot of my confidence and happiness to my amazing female friendships and my relationship with Henry. Nurture the relationships with those you hold close and, similarly, distance yourself from those that bring you down.
What we achieve in life means nothing unless we can share it with someone. And whether romantic or platonic, nothing is more fulfilling than giving and receiving love.
Love this!!!!
I think this is my fav so far. So well written and said x